Good Girls and Queen Bees

The New York Times Bestseller Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman was the basis for the movie Mean Girls; at least, that's what the book jacket proudly proclaims. I wouldn't know because a title like Mean Girls is hardly inviting to me.

Still, Wiseman has a lot of education and experience in her field - which is mean girls, I guess - so I picked it up and ... ugh. I sure hope she went a little overboard on her estimations.

After all, I was a girl (once, a lonnnnng time ago) and I don't remember hanging out with a bunch of vampires and other blood-sucking monsters. While I didn't enjoy the book, I hung onto it because I'm convinced the author knows her topic.

The Oprah take on the book says it gives parents - meaning moms - "the tools you need to build the right foundation to help your daughter make smarter choices and empower her during this baffling, tumultuous time of life."

Well, maybe, but this mom is hanging onto the hope that Wiseman's methods were somehow skewed to attract a disproportionate number of mean girls. I hope.

While I didn't enjoy Queen Bees..., I did find Michael Gurian's The Wonder of Girls helpful. The book portends to offers "a nature-based approach to why girls are the way they are." Wonder takes the approach that girls' lives can be navigated gracefully, without a great deal of emotional pain and strife. (Yes, I like to live on the sunny side of life, thank you very much; who says denial is unhealthy?)

Wonder did get a little too touchy-feely for me, though, and I didn't appreciate ALL of Gurian's advice. (A co-ed sleepover, for HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, is a "wonderful experience?!!" NOPE. I'm neither enlightened nor trusting enough.)

The book, while it is written by a father (of two daughters), is written to mothers of daughters. Gurian speaks of, and to, she who he calls the "artful mother." Which is lovely, but frankly, most of the mothers I know are no as artful as they are seat-of-the-pants types. In spite of, or maybe because of, my amusement, I liked the book a great deal.

Here's why I liked it: The Wonder of Girls offers insight into developmental issues, practical advice, and cause for a lot of optimism along the way. I also liked the fact that I only had to read a few chapters. Because it's divided into ages and stages, I skimmed right to "Stage 3" and skipped entirely the section on stepmothering. Still, it's nice to know it's there. (And I have to wonder, what would Cinderella have done with an Artful Stepmother?)

Now I'm looking forward to reading one of Gurian's previous books, The Wonder of Boys... sigh. Of course, I STILL haven't finished Team of Rivals!